December 2007


I ran across an article on what becomes of monkeys and exotic animals when their owners are no longer in the picture. From globeandmail.com:

Mike Davies, one of the caregivers, points to Mr. Jenkins, a black-handed spider monkey who swings with incredible ease – grace, even – in the confines of his cage. But don’t get too close.

“I’ve come out of here black and blue all up one arm from Mr. Jenkins,” he confesses. It seems the little geezer, who was taken away from his mother at too young an age, specializes in the old pinch-and-twist as a way of getting attention.

It’s not an easy life being a monkey keeper. In an ornery mood, monkeys will bite or scratch. They will pull off your moles while they are grooming you, unaware that it will cause you to perform a jig of pain.

The marmosets, squirrel-sized guys with teeny humanoid faces, may even ejaculate on your head. “That’s why I always wear a cap,” Mr. Davies says helpfully.

This is the most honest definition of a punkey I’ve seen.

Punkeys [puhnk-ees] – noun, pluralkeys, verb, –keyed, -keying. (noun) 1. Teeny Humanoids that may ejaculate on your head. (more…)

Not sure if this is a case of revenge or an example of how monkeys are using humans to help them escape. From KSHB-TV in Kansas City, MO:

A woman accused of kidnapping three monkeys from a Jackson County monkey sanctuary faces a judge Tuesday morning and there’s still no word on whether the monkeys are even alive.

During the videotaped monkey napping, a woman investigators identify as Catherine Montes is seen being attacked by one of the monkeys she’s now accused of stealing. The woman allegedly gave them oral sedatives and injected them with tranquilizers to get steal them.

Was the “attack” staged? Was this a rescue or theft?

The surveillance video shows that during the heist, the woman spent more than an hour and a half inside.

No one who’s talking knows where those monkeys are now. “I would have to question the health and well being of them,” Savorelli says. “Or are they alive at all? With her doing the tranquilizing and all the drugs that were involved in that, are they even alive at all?”

Either this is a horrible crime or the most elaborate cover-up of an escape ever. We’ll follow this story as it develops.

Was sent this peice of primate propaganda for christmas.

Apparently this simian sympatizer, Jill Greenberg, has done an entire collection of monkey portraits* And the worse thing about them…even we here at Punkeys think they’re awesome. This is obviously a coup for the monkeys when they can have this type of PR machine working for them!

Monkey Christmas

and a Punkey New Year!!!

This story highlights a devious subtle plot by monkeys to make us dependant on them for income, thus insuring their survival and allowing them to learn from us so they can find our weaknesses, only to exploit them at a later time. Actually it’s quite genius on their parts, making that much more scary! From allAfrica.com:

Sometimes life does not seem to be as hard as it is assumed to be, especially for someone who just performs the task of making a monkey play tricks for a fee. It would then mean that it is the monkey that does the job while its owner smiles to the bank.

That is the synopsis of the story of Musa Isiyaku, from Kofar Ruwa, Kano and his monkey, which he calls ‘Chinedu’

In an interview with Sunday Trust, Musa said that he uses ‘Chinedu to entertain people and make money, but beyond the money making monkey venture, Chinedu, he says has become a close friend with whom he speaks most of the time. ‘He hears everything that I say, In fact he hears both English and Hausa’, he disclosed.

Bilingual monkeys? They’ll be able to defeat us in two languages!! (more…)

This is another bad idea:

Soon, legions of ninja monkeys will be kicking our trans-fat engorged asses. Mark my words!

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