Welcome to Punkeys. Punkeys are Punk Monkeys. Monkeys with an evil agenda.

This site is dedicated to exposing the growing threat of worldwide monkey dominance. The monkey population (that includes all primates as well as apes) has become more aggressive. They have stepped up their attacks and their propaganda machine is at full speed. Quietly and deftly, the monkeys have become smarter and more devious. Look at this recent CNN.com report:

Once upon a time, not so long ago, members of the scientific community thought they had the whole evolution thing figured out. Simply put, humans were smarter than primates because humans made tools. But, apparently, a few chimpanzees at the Gombe Stream Research Center in Tanzania didn’t get the memo.

In 1960, then-fledgling primatologist Jane Goodall was studying Gombe’s wild chimps when she came across an adult male “fishing” for termites by dipping a twig into a hole and feasting on the bugs that clung to the stick.

This was the first documented case of a non-human manufacturing a tool, and it turned the scientific community upside down. As eminent anthropologist Louis Leakey put it, “Now we must redefine tool, redefine man, or accept chimpanzees as humans.”

Accept them as humans?? I’m sure every creationist reading this just wet themselves. But that is their goal. To be accepted, then to take over and rule the world. Take Oliver for example:

Oliver was a bald-headed, Spock-eared chimpanzee that, besides playing bartender, also walked on two legs, used a toilet, and loved watching TV. For most of his life, Oliver’s various trainers paraded him around at carnivals and on television shows as a freak.

Creepy looking monkey dude, ain’t he?

Oliver was the first to take the bold step to try and assimilate into human culture. But apparently he took the too obvious path. The monkeys would have to try something more subtle:

In 1977, educational psychologist Mary Joan Willard started training capuchins — small, dexterous tree monkeys commonly seen with people such as organ grinders and David Schwimmer — to assist disabled humans.

Just two years later, Willard placed her first trainee, Hellion, with a quadriplegic named Robert Foster, and it proved a startling success. In fact, the pair is still together today. Using a mouth-operated laser, Foster is able to point out what he wants Hellion to do. The monkey’s tasks range from combing Foster’s hair to locking the doors to operating the stereo. Hellion is even able to clean the house using a tiny vacuum.

Today, Hellion is a role model for other simian aides. At the 6,000-square-foot Helping Hands training center in Boston, young capuchins attend classes five to six times a week for a full year before receiving their first assignments. To date, the institute has placed more than 93 monkeys with disabled clients.

So, at least 93 of these monkey “moles” have entered society. So the propaganda wheel was set in motion. But you can’t use propaganda unless you can communicate. Enter Koko:

In 1972, Stanford graduate student Francine Patterson began teaching American Sign Language to a female lowland gorilla named Koko. In only a few weeks, she was making the correct signs for food and drink. 

Known as the world’s first “speaking” gorilla, Koko currently boasts a vocabulary of more than 1,000 signs and understands roughly 2,000 spoken words. She still struggles with the occasional word, though. Unfortunately, one of them happens to be “people,” which she tends to substitute with “nipple,” thus explaining how she became the defendant in a sexual harassment case against some caretakers a few months back (seriously).

When not signing or pushing the envelope of political incorrectness, Koko enjoys playing on her computer. In 1998, she even logged onto America Online and fielded questions from the public through an interpreter. During the chat, fans were able to learn what pet Koko would like to have (“dog”), the first-hand gossip on what she thought about the male gorilla brought in to be her mate (“frown bad bad bad”), and what a 310-pound gorilla really wants (“candy, give me”).

But such mindless banter clearly wasn’t enough to hold the attention of a genius gorilla. Koko soon grew bored with the chat (calling it “obnoxious”) and wandered off to play with her dolls.

Here Koko is calling humans “stupid”. Don’t believe me? Look it up!

If they can recognize online chats as “obnoxious” which they clearly are, they can spread their message to all online monkeys (I’ve seen “To catch a predator”, it was full of stupid oversexed online monkeys).

We here at Punkeys will do our best to educate the public about the campaign against humanity.