January 2008

From the Geelong Advertiser:

Nobody likes needles, least of all monkeys…

No. They don’t shoot heroin, they smoke dope!

…which is why Werribee Zoo opt for sedation when it’s time for the tricky business of giving the creatures medical checks.

Eleven of the zoo’s vervet monkeys were sedated so the zoo’s vets could carry out routine health checks on them.

The monkeys were blissfully unaware as vets busily checked everything from skin condition to teeth, limbs and weight before taking blood tests and giving them their annual injections.

All was calm until a sex check confirmed the troupe’s newest addition, a 3-week-old baby, was a boy.

Isn’t it always calmest right before the sex check? I mean, they’re doing for a full body massage and everything is going okay and then…HELLO! Sex check. Or as we call them in the states “Happy Endings”.


The monkey population is breeding the perfect monkeys. In fact, Live Science has picked the Macaque monkey as the best multipurpose monkey. And as our stories often highlight, the Macaque monkeys cause the most problems.

From Live Science:

A macaque is a really good, general purpose, sort of monkey.

Macaques are also the monkeys that people know the best. When 5-year-olds draw a picture of a monkey , with its smooth body, long tail, tiny ears, and impish face, they are drawing a macaque.

We know these animals well because macaques are also the quintessential research animal. The polio vaccine was first developed in macaques, various contraceptives and pharmaceuticals have been tested on macaques, and they were sent into space before apes or people.

Okay, okay. We get it. The Macaque is better than us. Got better grades and has more sex. He’s the George Clooney of monkeys. (more…)

If you’re a chimp…the answer is yes. Some sad news from the Daily Mail:

When scientists found out that chimps had better memories than students, there were unkind comments about the caliber of the human competition they faced.

But now an ape has gone one better, trouncing British memory champion Ben Pridmore.

Ayumu, a seven-year-old male brought up in captivity in Japan, did three times as well as Mr. Pridmore at a computer game which involved remembering the position of numbers on a screen.

And that’s no mean feat – the 30-year-old accountant from Derby is capable of memorizing the order of a shuffled pack of cards in under 30 seconds.

Both chimp and man watched a computer screen on which five numbers flashed up at various positions before being obscured by white squares.

They then had to touch the squares in order of the numbers they concealed, from lowest to highest. When the numbers were shown for just a fifth of a second – the blink of an eye – Ayumu got it right almost 90 per cent of the time.

His human opponent scored a rather less impressive 33 per cent, Channel Five programme Extraordinary Animals will reveal.

Mr Pridmore, who spends his evenings memorizing 400-digit numbers, ruefully acknowledged that he had met his match. (more…)

Here’s an odd snippet that probably went under the radar. It fits with Friday’s posting about aliens and monkeys. From Pattaya City News:

Crazy Monkey injures two students in Naklua.

A bizarre incident now from Soi Sukumvit 43 in Naklua. Sawang Boriboon Rescue Workers were called to house number 390/110 on Thursday Afternoon after reports were received of two people injured following an attack by a crazed male monkey. The two injured students, who sustained minor cuts and bruises were taken to Hospital and released some hours later. Residents were able to corner the monkey and lock the animal in the kitchen of the house. Eventually three men arrived and without speaking to anyone, removed the exhausted animal. Where the monkey came from is a mystery and no Police were involved in the case.

Seems there is an odd Men in Black thing going on in Naklua (Occupied Territory). They just show up, unannounced. They don’t say a word and take the monkey without any fanfare or interaction.

Is this evidence of a secret government project whose only goal is to find aggressive and destructive monkeys to train as agents? Or just a couple of dudes who pick up monkeys from time to time?

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

I have found proof that the alien encounters people have been experiencing for centuries is really a primate psychological plot to cause the downfall of humanity! Ever wonder why all the aliens have the same likeness. Whitish gray with big black eyes? Look at the evidence I stumbled upon at the Herald Sun website!

        Primate? or  Predator?

More news of punkeys picking up bad habits. From Thaindian News:

Keepers of a zoo in China are trying really hard to make a resident chimpanzee quit smoking.

Philly got addicted to the habit months earlier by picking up cigarette butts discarded by visitors in Zhengzhou, Henan province.

The chimp fell prey to the smokes and would squeal for cigarettes every time she needed a drag, reports China Daily.

My wife did the same thing when she quit.

And to make matters more worse, the primate reportedly even developed a taste for specific brands. It picked the more expensive one when presented with two choices.

Ah…the sweet taste of tobacco. I guess it could be worse. He’s not hooked on hash like the monkey from last week!

Looks like the writer’s strike isn’t affecting this chimp in China. From ChinaDaily.com:

Concerned that a chimp in a zoo in Qingdao, Shandong Province, was getting lonely, zookeepers installed a TV set last September to keep the animal occupied.

To their surprise, the chimp became addicted to TV programs and would sit in front of the TV set all day.

It has even skipped meals to catch its favorite shows.

The zookeepers were in a plight – TV addiction is harming the chimp but turning off the set will make the animal moody.

They recently found out a way to let the chimp exercise more by bringing a rabbit into its playground. It seems to be working well as the chimp keeps chasing the rabbit around.

Good for the chimp…but what about that poor rabbit?

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