Today’s post is a joint venture from The Power of Negative Blogging.

Ever thought the people in your office were no better than a bunch of monkeys in ties? Well there just might be some truth to that. From the Daily Mail:

Anyone losing out to the big beasts in a bout of office politics might start to think their workplace is something of a jungle.

And, according to researchers, that insight could hold the key to getting up the career ladder.

For studies show that the tricks used by monkeys and chimps to survive in the wild can also bring success in the office.

Which tricks? Survival of the fittest? Economic Darwinism? The occasional eating of one’s own young? Oh wise sage, let us hear the secret!

“If you’re stumped by office politics (I am!), or want to learn the best way to deal with aggressive colleagues or unreasonable bosses, then our wilder cousins may offer a few insights into how to survive the office jungle.”

The magazine cited a U.S. study which found that monkeys, just like people, resent being treated unfairly and even go on strike when they believe they’ve been given a raw deal.

Maybe they’re trying to say that the whole “millions monkeys for a millions years could create Shakespeare” thing relates to the WGA? If you’ve met any writers, they can often be mistaken for monkeys. I think it’s due to the smell and the lack of showering.

The researchers trained the creatures to trade pebbles for food – either a slice of cucumber or a much more highly-prized grape.

If the scientists gave one monkey a grape and another just a piece of cucumber for doing the same thing, the short-changed creature would effectively go on strike by refusing to participate any further.

Translated into office behavior, this led to the first rule – avoid taking credit for work that is done collectively.

That alpha male crap won’t work here pal! On to rule 2:

While it is good to have your colleagues on side, keeping in with your boss – rule number two – may be even more important.

Studies show that monkeys, chimps and other primates who spend time currying favor with their superiors receive more support in fights.

More importantly: Co-workers can’t directly fire you. Otherwise, they’re your boss!

Workers can also learn something from the animal kingdom about the value of not bearing a grudge – rule number three.

Chimps often hug and kiss after a fight, dolphins rub and goats nuzzle. Animal experts said that reconciliation cuts stress and reduces the chances of subsequent flareups.

Try telling this to this poor guy. As soon as this chimp could exact revenge, he went for the jugular. Well, actually, he went for somewhere lower and possibly more vital, but still.

The fourth piece of advice from the wild is to be a team player, with studies showing that chimps prefer the company of cooperative sorts.

For people, the advice is: be nice and show it. This can be achieved by simple strategies such as buying cakes or making tea.

I’ve always said, you could put a bowl of chocolate covered dirt out and everyone in the office will eat it. And want more. And be upset if you’re out! People like to get things, even if it’s clods of tasty dir

Even the boss is not exempt from the rules of the wild, with studies showing that boorish chimps have to fight constantly to hold rank, raising stress levels for everyone.

New Scientist said being a good boss – rule number five – was a careful balancing act of control, leadership and motivation.

You don’t need to be a monkey to know that!

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