March 2008


An interesting post about judgments from our sister blog The Power of Negative Blogging:

Think first impressions are important? So do chimps. They’re more judgmental than creationists! From Science Daily:

Chimpanzees make judgments about the actions and dispositions of strangers by observing others’ behavior and interactions in different situations. Specifically, chimpanzees show an ability to recognize certain behavioral traits and make assumptions about the presence or absence of these traits in strangers in similar situations thereafter. These findings are by Dr. Francys Subiaul – from the George Washington University in Washington DC – and his team.

Character judgments are an essential feature of cooperative exchanges between humans, and we use them to predict future behavioral interactions. A system for attributing reputation is therefore expected in any species which needs to assess the behavior of others and to predict the outcomes of future interactions. Chimpanzees have sophisticated social skills and there is evidence that primates eavesdrop and benefit from third-party interactions. Could they have a system for forming reputation judgments across a wide variety of contexts like humans?

Sounds like they are getting their own covert operations teams up and running! Does CIA stand for Chimp Intelligence Agency? If we don’t keep an eye on them it might. (more…)

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Success! We’ve sent recon units out into the field to spy on the punkeys!

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BBC One will share this new intel Sunday, March 30th. As you can see, they are gathering their gumption and seem to be unafraid of our technology.

Scientists have discovered that Chimps like the “action”, which tells me they’re even more dangerous and unpredictable than before. If they are compelled to take risks over a “safe-bet” then there may be some creative attacks in our future. From the Daily Mail:

We already know that they use elaborate tools, have good memories for figures and pass on knowledge to their offspring.

But now it has emerged that chimpanzees have something else in common with humans – they like a little flutter.

When given the choice between a safe bet and a high-risk and high stakes option, chimps will always choose the latter.

(more…)

Another picture today. This one is another punkey attempt to blend into society and be accepted.

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Apparently, punkeys have been arming themselves for quite a long time as this painting shows:

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From The Power of Negative Blogging comes some sage advice: 

So I was surfing around the intrawebs and found this great site called:


Wikihow is site that explains how to do just about anything. Need to learn how to clean your clothes dryer vent? Or perform telekinesis? How about making up a new language? It has just about everything. So I poked around and found something that combines negative worse-case-scenario planning with my disdain for monkeys:

How to Prevent or Survive a Monkey Attack

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Whether in the remote forests of Bali or in the backyard of some exotic animal dealer, you may encounter a monkey. To avoid bodily injury to yourself or to the monkey, read on for tips on how to protect yourself from any “unwanted” contact.

Let’s be honest. Almost all contact from a monkey would be unwanted. If you seek out a monkey for contact, you seriously need to re-evaluate your life and where you’re heading.

Steps

  1. Learn that whatever the situation is, never heckle a monkey. They have feelings and get irritated, and they are very instinctive. So if you anger or annoy a monkey it will bite, scratch or inflict other bodily harm upon you. As a former professional stand-up, take it from me, you should never heckle anyone. Sure you think you’re going to say something funnier than the comic, but more likely than not you going to be walking into a buzzsaw. Comics are paid to rip people apart, so don’t bring your butter knife like wit to a tactical nuke fight. Same with monkeys, they’ll rip you a new one. Literally!
  2. Take proper precautions, depending on the situation. Look around and think to yourself, “Is the monkey in a secure enclosure?” If not, “Is there a place where I can secure myself if the monkey were to attack?” Avoid operations where monkeys are on leashes or tied to trees. Again, if you are frequenting places with leashed or tied up monkeys, seek help. Find a nice hobby. Maybe create nice duct tape wallets or something.
  3. Recognize that even if the monkey is in a cage or enclosure, you need to stay a distance away from the cage. Do not put your hands on the cage, either. Just watch from a distance.
  4. If you are in a situation where the monkey is not in a cage, you’re playing a whole different ball game. Again think, “Is the monkey loose?” “On a chain or rope?” “Within grabbing distance?” If the situation seems safe, proceed to the next step. Do not take your eye off the little bugger. They may try and steal your nice new wallet you made from duct tape.
  5. Step back and look at yourself. Do you have food, shiny jewelery, glasses, children or toys with you? If so, you should remove those items or yourself from the situation. Monkeys are attracted things that shine, smell good and make noise, so be aware of what you may be dangling in front of their faces. My favorite part of this step is the lump food, fashion accessories and toys in with children. I honestly believe some parent have children just to be an accessory to their lives. It justifies they’re Porsche Cayenne. And be careful dangling children in monkey’s faces. Children slobber (shine), smell like stale peanut butter and make noise. The holy trinity of trouble. (more…)

Gainomax is subtly showing the powers Punkeys have. As Punkeys attempt to take over the world, they have several weapons at their disposal.

They have hypnosis:

The powers of the undead:

and, of course, their sheer cuteness:

But don’t think this is some clever ad campaign, this is a display of their powers and someday, they will unleash them upon us and enslave us all.

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