May 2008

Punkeys are infiltrating our media, our culture. Soon they’ll replace our screen idols like Tom Cruise.

Acutally, this orangutan is more talented than Tom Cruise. Although we have to ask…was he auditioning for a porn movie?? Dirty, filty punkey!


In one of the most brazen attacks by Punkeys to date, a royal rumble went down the other day in Kendrapara, India (Occupied Territory). From Howrah News Service:

In the latest attack of a rowdy and violent monkey, at least 37 persons, including children and women, have been injured in remote Nikirai village under Orissa’s Kendrapara district since the past 48 hours.

The male simian species inhabiting in the village for more than a decade went amuck attacking the villagers. Four of the seriously injured persons have been admitted to the Kendrapara District Headquarters Hospital.

The villagers have drawn the attention of the local Rajnagar Mangrove Forest Division officials to the monkey depredation. But remedial measures to drive away the monkeys are yet to be launched, they rued.

The hospital sources said that more than 100 from the particular village have been administered anti-rabies vaccine in the past six months. Animal researchers are of the view that this typical behavioral tendency of simian species can be traced back to the loss of monkeys’ habitat and daily food.

This trend has apparently become pronounced since 1999 when the cyclone had caused maximum damage to the tree cover. The monkeys turned itinerant moving from one place to another.

I don’t know if this is a case of one monkey going ape or a whole bunch of monkeys coordinating an attack. Either way, I’d be concerned. Things are going to get worse…

Again, the Punkeys are testing our security, looking for cracks in our armor. Now they’re breeching airplane security. Worst of all, they’re getting help from humans. From WFTV:

An Orlando woman couldn’t believe it when she noticed the man next to her on her flight was hiding a monkey. He snuck it on the plane at Orlando International Airport, but got a quick exit when she notified the flight attendant.

The woman believes the man had his shirt un-tucked with the underneath and may have gone through security with no one knowing about the monkey.

“I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it,” Mikie Mallory told Eyewitness News.

Last week, the man in seat 6F snuck a monkey on board, she said.

“It was like a fanny pack, but it was a big one, a bigger pouch. Like this around his waist. And he opened it up and was playing with something and I look over at him and I see this hair. And he says, ‘It’s my pet monkey.’ And I’m thinking, oh, no it’s not,” she said.

How many times have we fallen for the old “Pet monkey in my pants” line? It’s the oldest trick in the book. (more…)

Monkey and ape escapes are on the rise. Is this just isolated incidents or the beginning of a more sinister plot? From WTSP-TV:

A spokesperson for the U.S. Department of Agriculture says it will soon be inspecting the Busch Gardens exhibit that a 10-year-old orangutan escaped from on Saturday night. Depending on what the agency finds, Busch Gardens could be fined.

Meantime, one of the country’s premiere orangutan experts says great ape escapes are not uncommon. In fact, Dr. Robert Shumaker with the Great Ape Trust in Iowa says if an orangutan was going to try and escape from Busch Gardens’ new Jungala orangutan exhibit, this is likely when it would occur.

“It is, I think, more common when new facilities are being built because the apes are going to test it very carefully and they will find the weak spots and then it’s up to us as professionals to design around that and correct that,” Dr. Shumaker told Tampa Bay’s 10 News.

This is what terrorist do. Test for weaknesses and exploit them. They are getting ready…

Luna Bella, a female orangutan, escaped from her habitat briefly Saturday evening. Park officials used apples, carrots and ice cream to bring her back. Part of the park was closed during the incident and no one was injured.

A Busch Gardens spokesperson says the exhibit in question remains closed “indefinitely” to the public, adding changes will soon be made to the exhibit.

To celebrate the return of Indiana Jones to the big screen, here is a blasphemous take by some punkey lovers.

Punkeys are subjecting themselves to testing so they can someday overcome diseases and rule over us. Just watch. From New Scientist:

Monkeys genetically engineered to get the deadly neurological disease Huntington’s could provide a unique way to test potential treatments because of their cognitive and genetic similarities to humans.

“Monkey models may have a privilege over other animal models,” says Anthony Chan, a biologist at Yerkes National Primate Center in Atlanta, Georgia, whose team engineered five rhesus macaque monkeys to churn out the mutant protein that causes Huntington’s.

Researchers routinely splice human genes in and out of mice to give them diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. But mice are of limited use when investigating brain diseases such as Huntington’s: people who have it can’t control their movement, speech or swallowing and their cognitive abilities deteriorate. But mice engineered to express the Huntington’s protein don’t jerk their muscles like humans do and it can be tough to gauge their cognitive decline.

To see if primates might offer more insight, Chan’s team used a virus to insert the Huntingon’s gene into the DNA of 130 macaque eggs, along with a gene that makes a fluorescent green jellyfish protein. The researchers then fertilized the eggs and implanted them into eight mothers.

All the monkeys born expressed the green protein, indicating that gene transfer was successful, and some already appear to have the monkey equivalent of Huntington’s. The brains of one set of twins, who died a day after birth, were littered with clumps of a mutant protein found in humans with Huntington’s, while the lone animal, who died a month after birth, jerked involuntarily.

Meanwhile, Chan’s team is watching two surviving twins for symptoms, which can strike swiftly and unpredictably in humans. They will also analyse the monkeys’ blood for early predictors of the disease.

“I think this is amazing,” says Chris Ross, a neuroscientist at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. He studies mouse forms of Huntington’s but says that monkeys will help test several potential drug treatments, he says. Huntington’s affects 1 in 10,000 people of European descent.

Transgenic monkeys with other human diseases, such as early onset Alzheimer’s or fragile X syndrome, are sure to follow, says Gerald Schatten, a biologist at the University of Pittsburgh in Pennsylvania.

Yet even researchers accustomed to animal work say working with transgenic monkeys should always be a last resort. “There should be higher levels of scrutiny in working with our closest animal cousins,” Schatten says.

Looks like the monkeys at the Little Rock Zoo are running a chop shop. From WXVT:

It’s best to not drop a cell phone into the ape enclosures at the Little Rock Zoo. But if it happens, the folks in charge better be ready with a reward.

Ape keepers say the orangutans and chimpanzees know they can get treats if they give back valuable items.

Dominant orangutan Roc (Rock) drives the hardest bargains, and he has little patience for dickering. Keepers say he will dismantle a cell phone and give it back a piece at a time — each part for a piece of candy or a soda. Once, a keeper couldn’t break a frozen candy bar in time and Rok bit into the phone, destroying it with a great crunch.

Keepers say there are plenty of reasons to not drop or throw items into animal enclosures. One particular vulnerability with the apes is germs — they can catch human diseases that can be spread via the foreign objects.

First it’s cell phones, next SUV heading to Mexico. The punkey crime wave is slowly gaining strength.

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