July 2008

In a bold move, punkeys are creeping ever forward across our borders. Now it looks like an unnamed island of the coast of South Carolina is the staging area for an impending monkey invasion! From WIS News

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Onions, long known to make cooks cry and dates go bad, apparently piss off monkeys. From New Scientist:

If you wash yourself with raw onion, you might expect some aggression from your friends. Now it seems the same holds true of some primates – but for rather different reasons.

For capuchin monkeys, rubbing themselves with pungent-smelling plants is normally a communal and perhaps even a therapeutic activity.

Wild capuchins are known to get together and rub their fur with plants like citrus and peppers that have antifungal or antiseptic properties.

Some biologists think that the behavior is medicinal, and that the monkeys are ridding themselves of parasites with their plant rubs. But until now no-one had looked to see what happens after the communal rubs. (more…)

Space Chimps opens in theaters today and we wanted to send out a warning. This piece of propaganda is just the latest in the Punkeys plan to get into our children’s feeble little brains and take over the world. Wouldn’t it be easier if the kids who go see this tripe want monkeys to be trained by NASA? To be accepting of monkeys and allow our enemies to easily take over without even a fight?

I say, boycott Space Chimps! Don’t let this be the first step of humankind’s demise.

Another so-called “human” ability gone by the wayside. Seems the Punkeys get smarter every day. From New Scientist:

At this rate a monkey might prove the Riemann hypothesis. Rhesus macaques have been shown to possess yet another numerical talent once thought unique to humans – they can simultaneously count audible beeps and dots on a computer screen.

Their ability to comprehend numbers not as just discrete images or sounds, but as abstract representations that can be combined suggests that such math skills aren’t unique to humans, says Kerry Jordan, a psychologist at Utah State University, Logan, US, who led the new study.

This sort of evidence “shows that [animals] have these precursors to math very early on in the evolutionary line and early on in development,” she says.

I think many of these monkeys were involved with mortgages. I bet one runs FannieMae or FannieMac. In fact, I beleive Enron hired a bunch in their Accounting Dept.


The past few days we’ve talked about monkeys replacing us in the workplace. How about being replaced in the family tree?! This family in India has “adopted” a monkey and treats him as one of the family. From the Telegraph:

Two-year-old Diksha Mehta really does have a cheeky monkey for a brother.

The Indian girl has become virtually inseparable from an Indian Langur named Ramu which her parents adopted when an attack by stray dogs left him orphaned.

Parents Anil and Rashmi Mehta now see Ramu as the perfect addition to their family.

“Ramu has made all the difference to our family, I feel as if he is part of my life like Diksha,” says Mrs Mehta from their home in Bharauch town in the north-western Gujarat state.

Nothing boosts self-esteem like being comparable to a monkey. This kid won’t have any image problems when she grows up I’m sure. (more…)

Another job stolen away by a chimp. This is becoming a serious issue. From IOL.com:

Town hall staff in a Poland town has put a chimp on the payroll as a tourism promotions inspector.

The 17-year-old ape, called Bobby, is being paid €70 (about R870) a month in Radkow (Occupied Territory) to plug a local beauty spot – and is already up for promotion.

Bobby plugs a district called Table Mountains which has a cluster of outcrops known locally as Monkey Rock.

He is taken around the region’s capital Wroclaw with a sign on his back advertising the Table Mountains range and his job title of Bobby, Tourism Promotions Inspector, to inspire people to visit.

“If Bobby achieves good results he may be promoted to a post as a specialist. Then he’ll be able to count on a pay rise,” said his council boss Marek Niewiadomy.

Why can’t a human do this job? And the bigger question… Is any job safe from Punkeys?

Is yours?

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