Punkeys – if they are not with us…the are against us!

Why do you think the songs says “Come Mr. Taliban, tally me banana”?


Here’s an interesting story from Orlando (Occupied Territory) that baffles me, especially some of the quotes. People sure do think different in Florida. From Local 6 WKMG in Orlando:

A monkey in a diaper escaped from an Orlando home Friday and chased at least one man down a street and jumped on a woman before being captured.

Motorists reported the diapered monkey loose Friday near the Studio apartments in a neighborhood in the block of 550 Conway Road.

Rommel Gray said he tried to help a crowd capture the monkey but was instead chased down a street.

“I wanted to take him for a pet but after he kind of growled at me and chased me down the street, that is just not the monkey I want to deal with,” Gray said.

Apparently in Orlando, monkeys are so common on the streets that seeing one, even in diapers, doesn’t even stir up a thought that it might belong to someone. Just pluck them off the street and BAM! New pet.

Residents were able to use bananas and fruit to lure the animal near a cage.

“He came to me and jumped on my back,” resident Sharon Beverly said. “So, I tied him to a cage and then animal control put the loop around his neck and contained him.”

The owner of the monkey was out of town on a business trip when the monkey escaped through a window.

Local 6 reported that owner did not have a license to keep the monkey in his home.

The monkey is in the care of by Fish and Wildlife officials.

We’re almost positive that the diaper it’s wearing is just a poop bandolier. A way to carry their fecal grab-bag grenades if you will. He may have even been a scout sent to test our response time. And apparently our stupidity.

Gainomax is subtly showing the powers Punkeys have. As Punkeys attempt to take over the world, they have several weapons at their disposal.

They have hypnosis:

The powers of the undead:

and, of course, their sheer cuteness:

But don’t think this is some clever ad campaign, this is a display of their powers and someday, they will unleash them upon us and enslave us all.

We made it to the semis! Please go to the International Blog Cup and vote once per day for Punkeys! The semis run until the 23rd so be sure to vote every day! Thanks! 

Apparently, the Punkeys have a rural area protecting them, not unlike the wild regions of Pakistan covering for Osama Bin Laden. Take this village in old Dhaka (Occupied Territory), from The Daily Star:

She was lurking behind the iron grill of an old house and with keen eyes looking at a banana at a child’s hand. As the little girl became unmindful for a single moment she snatched the banana like an eagle.

As the little girl realized that the banana was stolen, she started crying. In the meantime, the ‘culprit’ jumped to the verandah of a nearby house and finished her ‘lunch’ with the booty.

Oh how cute. The monkey is stealing bananas from a baby. Evil little bastard! The monkey, not the kid. A least in this particular case it’s the monkey.

Such an incident is quite common on the Basanta Kumar Das Lane of Farashganj in old Dhaka where scores of monkeys ramble at large. Residents of many other parts of old Dhaka are quite used to living with monkeys.

One may think why they are seen only in old Dhaka.

“Monkeys are mainly seen in and around old spacious houses. It may be the reason because here in old Dhaka they can play and sleep and stroll to their heart’s content,” said Urmi Saha, a student of Jagannath University, who has been seeing the moneys since her childhood.

“Sometimes it is annoying because they take away food and clothes in a swoop. But sometimes when I sit in the verandah in the late afternoon it is nice to see them play innocently,” she said.

Even though many residents expressed annoyance, most of them said they give bread, biscuits and bananas to the monkeys.

“If we don’t give them food or if they can’t steal from us then from where will they find it?” said Urmi. “I cannot even think of driving them away. Where will they go? I cannot think them living the life of a homeless.”

They’re wild animals. Not unemployed uncles you feel obligated to let stay on the couch for a few days after a bender. (more…)

Seems the great northwest isn’t immune to Punkey trouble. From Spokane (Occupied Territory), Washington’s

There was no monkeying around on the South Hill on Friday, after Spokane animal control officers responded to an unusual call for help. A macaque monkey, native to Africa and Asia, escaped its owner’s home, biting three neighbors.

“That is something you don’t see in Spokane,” says Scott Battaglia on a home video of the monkey.

When Battaglia’s home on Spokane’s South Hill started to look like South Asia, he rolled his camera.

“It was freaky. He had red eyes,” said eight-year-old Aaron Trujillo.

Is this a case of a demon monkey? A Demonkey??

Aaron was walking his dog with his best friend, Grey, when he spotted the monkey.

“And I was like, what in the heck is a monkey doing here?” Aaron exclaimed.

The pair started to run really, really fast .

“And we were like, running really fast down the sidewalk,” Aaron explained, “and and we were like, ahhhh! It was like, so freaky.”

Considering how much dogs hate monkeys, it’s no surprise there was an incident.

“I thought it was a joke,” said Dorothy Trujillo, Aaron’s mother, “making it up because they have some imagination.”

So she had to see for herself.


So Puerto Rico (Occupied Territory) is having some issues with some escaped mutant monkeys. Or at least that’s what it sounds like reading this article at the Orlando Sentinel:

Puerto Rico officials have a new plan to solve their monkey problem: export them to Central Florida.

About 30 patas monkeys have been shipped to the Florida International Teaching Zoo in Sumter County as part of a larger strategy to capture, neuter, track and export packs of monkeys that have invaded the island from a defunct research facility.

Holy tainted bloodstream, Batman! Research monkeys with a chip on their shoulder, running rampant on an island. Too bad there’s a writer’s strike happening, I think I have Nicolas Cage’s next flick! Samuel L. Jackson can say “Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherf**king monkeys on this motherf**ucking island!” (more…)

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