Not satisfied with just stealing and sabotage, the punkeys in Mumbai (Occupied Territory) have started a psychological campaign against us too. From the Times of India:

Two monkeys who have made the Bandra skywalk their home have been causing havoc and indulging in inappropriate behaviour. Not only have they nipped at pedestrians and snatched their bags, they have even been seen mating on the skywalk.

There is nothing more psychologically damaging than seeing monkeys mate!

In the last month, at least 30 people have been bitten, one of them a security guard, J R Dubey, who has been posted there by the Mumbai Metropolitan Region Development Authority. The MMRDA has constructed the zigzagging yellow 1.3 km walkway, which became operational two months ago.

Not a single security official can explain where the simians have leapt from. One of them has a iron ring around its neck. Dubey said, “I have seen at least five people being attacked. I’ve been bitten twice. It’s terrifying to work here. In the night, the monkeys sleep behind the hoardings on the Western Express highway, and at other times, when they tired of the skywalk, they hide in the rain trees near Bandra station.”

Poonam Shah, 22, said she and her friends were happily strolling down the skywalk when a monkey bit her and snatched a cellphone from her friend’s hand. “I had to take five injections to avoid rabies. It’s really scary to walk here, but I do not have any other option,” she said.

While this correspondent was trying to get a picture of the monkeys, one of them obliged by snatching at the bag of an elderly woman, only to drop it after discovering that it contained fish.

Okay, you can’t blame them for dropping the bag if it’s full of fish. At least they have some taste.

TOI phoned MMRDA bosses Ratnakar Gaikwad, Milind Mhaiskar and Ashwini Bhide and told them about the untoward activity on their otherwise pedestrian-friendly bridge. Spokesperson Dilip Kawathkar said he would ask the security officers to do the needful. Range forest officer Rajendra Magdum, whose job profile includes tackling stray monkeys, said, “I will deploy two men on Saturday to trap them.”

MMRDA guards plan to light firecrackers to scare the duo away, but this will not be a permanent solution. Environmentalist Debi Goenka said the MMRDA should ask the forest department to help capture and translocate them in a forest outside Mumbai. Sanctuary Magazine editor Bittu Sehgal said, “They should be captured. In all probability, they are hungry and must have escaped from a madariwalla.”


Think bobono monkeys are the “Hippies” of the ape world, with their always having hot monkey sex and peace loving ways? Think again. From The New Scientist:

Don’t be fooled by their reputation for altruism and free love – bonobos hunt and kill monkeys just like their more vicious chimpanzees cousins, according to new research.

“Bonobos are merciless,” says Gottfried Hohmann, a behavioural ecologist at Max-Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany. He witnessed several monkey hunts among bonobos living in the Democratic Republic of Congo, and says, “they catch it and start eating it. They don’t bother to kill it”.

Yet unlike chimps, bonobos live in female-centred societies where sex, not aggression, settles differences and enforces social order.

Fruit makes up much of their diet, but the primates aren’t herbivores. Small ungulates called forest antelopes, or duikers, often fall prey to the apes.

These hunts tend to be fairly simple, with a single bonobo cornering a duiker then quickly feasting on the still-living animal as more apes hurried to the scene. Hohmann says he has witnessed a duiker “still vocally blurting as the bonobos opened the stomach and intestines.”

In three successful monkey hunts that Hohmann and Max Planck colleague Martin Surbeck witnessed in the Salonga National Park, bonobos took a more cautious team approach once they spotted monkeys in a nearby tree.

“They fall silent, and they try to go underneath the monkey group, of course remaining undetected,” he says. “Then it’s a sudden rush. Two, three, four bonobos climb up into the trees and try to catch a monkey.” The researchers saw the bonobos successfully nab a redtail monkey and and two Wolf’s guenons.

Males and females hunt together, and females tended to share their spoils, which included the young of two species of monkeys.

The discovery casts doubt on claims that social aggression and hunting go hand in hand, Hohmann says. Some anthropologists suggest that in the million or so years that separate bonobos from chimps, bonobos lost their appetite for violence.

“What a great discovery,” says Frans de Waal, a primatologist at Emory University in Atlanta.

“The chimpanzee literature sometimes depicts bonobos as the less interesting, less human-like, less cultured, less cooperative branch of the family tree,” he says, “and I am not sure this characterisation can be maintained for much longer with this kind of observation coming out.”

However, de Waal notes that predation and aggression are distinct behaviours, pointing out aggressive herbivores such as bison and sociable carnivores such as lionesses as examples. “For me, this finding does very little to change the idea of bonobos as relatively peaceful primates.”

If that’s what they do to their own…what will they do to us?

Seems we can learn quite a bit about ourselves and our workplace by looking at chimps in the wild. By knowing how they work, we can defend ourselves from the uprising! From The Australian:

IF you occasionally walk into the office thinking “this place is run by chimpanzees”, you may well be right.

Humans do share traits with chimpanzees and, according to chimp scholar Jane Goodall, there is much the monkey can teach the modern chief executive about his staff.

For example — see if this doesn’t ring a bell — in a typical chimp group, there will be an alpha male who is the most powerful. As the alpha male becomes more powerful, he brings his supporters through the ranks with him.

When an alpha male is displaced, it causes changes in the whole group. A displaced alpha male can quickly slide in the ranking, and almost overnight can become one of the lowest-ranked chimps.

A male that is seeking to become the next alpha male will, as much as possible, keep out of the alpha male’s way and be respectful to his face. (more…)

In one of the most brazen attacks by Punkeys to date, a royal rumble went down the other day in Kendrapara, India (Occupied Territory). From Howrah News Service:

In the latest attack of a rowdy and violent monkey, at least 37 persons, including children and women, have been injured in remote Nikirai village under Orissa’s Kendrapara district since the past 48 hours.

The male simian species inhabiting in the village for more than a decade went amuck attacking the villagers. Four of the seriously injured persons have been admitted to the Kendrapara District Headquarters Hospital.

The villagers have drawn the attention of the local Rajnagar Mangrove Forest Division officials to the monkey depredation. But remedial measures to drive away the monkeys are yet to be launched, they rued.

The hospital sources said that more than 100 from the particular village have been administered anti-rabies vaccine in the past six months. Animal researchers are of the view that this typical behavioral tendency of simian species can be traced back to the loss of monkeys’ habitat and daily food.

This trend has apparently become pronounced since 1999 when the cyclone had caused maximum damage to the tree cover. The monkeys turned itinerant moving from one place to another.

I don’t know if this is a case of one monkey going ape or a whole bunch of monkeys coordinating an attack. Either way, I’d be concerned. Things are going to get worse…

This disturbing image shows a baby monkey nibbling the nose of some woman. If monkeys get the taste for human flesh…we’re in deep trouble. EVERYBODY PANIC!!!

Finally, someone in the media has addressed the biggest concern we have when it comes to punkeys. Human’s natural thought process that monkeys are cute and fun. As Bill Johnson with the Rocky Mountain News admits, he too had the dream of owning a monkey. And he realized that dream could have become a nightmare. Thankfully he woke up from his dream and has expressed his concern that others too may have this dream and what trouble that would be:

Long-held dreams often die hard. I blame myself.

That I have never once seen a monkey for sale in a pet shop should have been my first clue that owning one was illegal. Dang it.

See, I had always assured myself, quite deeply and very privately, that I would get rid of my wife’s overly spoiled, do-nothing dog in a heartbeat if I could trade it in on a monkey.

C’mon, exactly how cool would that be? (more…)

From The Power of Negative Blogging comes some sage advice: 

So I was surfing around the intrawebs and found this great site called:

Wikihow is site that explains how to do just about anything. Need to learn how to clean your clothes dryer vent? Or perform telekinesis? How about making up a new language? It has just about everything. So I poked around and found something that combines negative worse-case-scenario planning with my disdain for monkeys:

How to Prevent or Survive a Monkey Attack

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Whether in the remote forests of Bali or in the backyard of some exotic animal dealer, you may encounter a monkey. To avoid bodily injury to yourself or to the monkey, read on for tips on how to protect yourself from any “unwanted” contact.

Let’s be honest. Almost all contact from a monkey would be unwanted. If you seek out a monkey for contact, you seriously need to re-evaluate your life and where you’re heading.


  1. Learn that whatever the situation is, never heckle a monkey. They have feelings and get irritated, and they are very instinctive. So if you anger or annoy a monkey it will bite, scratch or inflict other bodily harm upon you. As a former professional stand-up, take it from me, you should never heckle anyone. Sure you think you’re going to say something funnier than the comic, but more likely than not you going to be walking into a buzzsaw. Comics are paid to rip people apart, so don’t bring your butter knife like wit to a tactical nuke fight. Same with monkeys, they’ll rip you a new one. Literally!
  2. Take proper precautions, depending on the situation. Look around and think to yourself, “Is the monkey in a secure enclosure?” If not, “Is there a place where I can secure myself if the monkey were to attack?” Avoid operations where monkeys are on leashes or tied to trees. Again, if you are frequenting places with leashed or tied up monkeys, seek help. Find a nice hobby. Maybe create nice duct tape wallets or something.
  3. Recognize that even if the monkey is in a cage or enclosure, you need to stay a distance away from the cage. Do not put your hands on the cage, either. Just watch from a distance.
  4. If you are in a situation where the monkey is not in a cage, you’re playing a whole different ball game. Again think, “Is the monkey loose?” “On a chain or rope?” “Within grabbing distance?” If the situation seems safe, proceed to the next step. Do not take your eye off the little bugger. They may try and steal your nice new wallet you made from duct tape.
  5. Step back and look at yourself. Do you have food, shiny jewelery, glasses, children or toys with you? If so, you should remove those items or yourself from the situation. Monkeys are attracted things that shine, smell good and make noise, so be aware of what you may be dangling in front of their faces. My favorite part of this step is the lump food, fashion accessories and toys in with children. I honestly believe some parent have children just to be an accessory to their lives. It justifies they’re Porsche Cayenne. And be careful dangling children in monkey’s faces. Children slobber (shine), smell like stale peanut butter and make noise. The holy trinity of trouble. (more…)

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