comedy


More biological weapons testing on the punkey front. From the London Paper:

ZOO managers have taken Brussels sprouts off the Christmas menu after the vegetable caused an attack of flatulence in their gorillas.

The staff at Chessington Zoo fed the giant apes on the seasonal favourite as they are filled with nutritional goodness. However, they hadn’t reckoned with the gassy qualities of the tiny veggies.

Now the zoo has issued an apology after guests at the zoo expressed their horror at the potent smell that started emanating from the gorillas’ enclosure.

Gorilla keeper Michael Rozzi said: “We feed the gorillas brussel sprouts during the winter because they are packed with vitamin C and have great nutritional benefits.

“Unfortunately, an embarrassing side effect is that it can cause bouts of flatulence in humans and animals alike.

“However, I don’t think any of us were prepared for a smell that strong.”

As if the gorilla house didn’t smell bad enough. We always knew Brussels sprouts were evil, now there is proof!!!

Will someone stop worshipping these evil over throwers!! Look at this from TIME:

Every year, all of the province’s approximately 600 monkeys are invited to eat fruits and vegetables during an annual feast held in honor of Rama, a hero of the Ramayana, who, it is said, rewarded his friend and ally, Hanuman the Monkey King, with the fiefdom of what is now Lopburi.

If we lose our battle to the monkeys…you now know why.

The punkeys have infiltrated our military!

The question is...Does that soldier know there's a monkey attached to him? They are very sneaky!

The question is...Does that soldier know there is a monkey attached to him? They are very sneaky!

 It’s not just the Taliban they need to worry about!

When will humankind wake up and smell the monkey poop? It’s obvious that the monkey menace is testing us and with each incident, their information base grows. But as the people in Ahmedabad (Occupied Territory) believe, it’s just some cute, fuzzy monkey scared and stranded. From the Times of India:

It was a strange moment for Ahmedabad Fire and Emergency Services (AFES) officials when they got a call from Bapunagar stating that a monkey has made its way on the top of a cell phone tower. Officials rescued the monkey after an operation of half-an-hour on Saturday. According to officials, the incident took place at Yogeshwar Park Society where a private mobile service providers tower is located. According to some eye witnesses, a group of monkeys came to the place, out of which one climbed the ladder and reached on the top of the tower.

“The monkey was so scared by the group gathered near him that he could not come down on his own. We extended a ladder to him, but it hesitated. After some time he used the ladder to come down and ran in the opposite direction,” a fire brigade official said.

Officials used 20-ft ladder used for rescue operations in the times of calamities and fire incidents.

This monkey wasn’t scared to come down; he was scared to get caught! Like any terrorist organization, the group convinces some poor soul to commit the act against their target. That way only one person is caught and the rest can flee into the woods to plot again!

Video evidence that Punkeys are mobilizing and preparing for a ground assault. Here is the recon video:

And segways are not easy to ride as this picture of the president shows:

Conclusion: Punkeys may be smart enough to become president!!!

This poor disillusioned monkey owner is going to jail for his pet marmoset. Is this heroic or part of the monkeys menace plan to place as many people in prison, out of the way, for their attack? You decide. From CityNews:

Never get in the way of a man and his monkey. That seems to be the lesson one man was trying to teach the justice system in the U.S.

But despite his best efforts, it didn’t quite work.

When David Grigorian, a 43-year-old resident from Van Nuys, California, got a marmoset monkey as a pet a few years back, he quickly fell in love with the creature. But he didn’t have a permit for the exotic animal and a court ordered him to get rid of it.

The controversy began last January when cops investigated Grigorian on an unrelated matter. After arriving at his home, they found the animal but not the permits he needed to keep it. He was ordered to get rid of it and promised he would.

A face only a punkey could love!
(more…)

Seems like Tokyo (Occupied Territory) has a bit of a commuter issue when it comes to Punkeys. We’ll let CNN.com explain:

A monkey stopped morning commuters in their tracks at one of Tokyo’s busiest subway stations this week, as it curiously peered down at them from its perch atop the departures and arrivals board.

Monday marked the third time a monkey has been spotted in the capital this month — surprising, because the beasts usually live in the mountains and hills outside Tokyo, more than a two-hour train ride away from the city center.

Surprised commuters snapped cell phone pictures of the simian, while about 30 police officers scrambled to rope off the area.

They held up green nets and tarps, trying to coax the animal down from the overheard electronic board.

(more…)

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