Nothing says it more than this picture:


Finally, someone is taking the monkey menace seriously. In Taipei, Taiwan (Occupied Territory) they call it “monkey peril” but it’s still the same. From the China Post:

Chinese invented and used rockets in the early Ming period (1368-1644).

Its inventors couldn’t possibly have imagined that the weapon which was used for warfare would now be fired to scare macaques away from kaki orchards near Kukeng.

Kaki is the Japanese persimmon tree. Its fruit is very sweet.

That’s the reason why macaques, an endangered species of monkey indigenous to Taiwan, come out in droves to pick the fruit when it is ripe for the picking.

The only option open to kaki orchard farmers in the remote village in the county of Yunlin to end what they call the monkey peril is to hire primate control experts to scare away the marauders.

No macaques can be killed, according to the wildlife protection law. Three rocket manipulators have been hired.

Armed with plenty of rockets and firecrackers, the primate controllers are on guard from morning to dusk every day when the kaki trees are heavy with ripening fruit.

“Well, we have to work at 5 o’clock in the morning,” a rocket launcher said yesterday.

Chiang Chang-chuan said monkeys start to raid orchards shortly after sunrise. “And they are active throughout the daylight,” he added.

He and his two partners have to fire rockets every 20 minutes until sundown.

Each rocket has 12 firecrackers attached. A rocket is put into a launching tube and then fired.

“Of course,” Chiang said, “we are not aiming at the monkeys. We are just making noise to scare them away.”

Why every 20 minutes?

“They are persistent,” Chiang complained. The monkeys do not leave the orchards. “They are scared and we can shoo them off, but they stay around, biding their time to begin to attack again and again,” he added.

Chiang did not say how much the orchard farmers pay him for his noise-making work.

Whatever they pay him, it’s not enough. Fighting on the front lines of the war against punkeys is courageous and deadly work. Thank you, Chiang, thank you.

What is the punkeys’ latest tactic? Become an economic drain to humans! Apparently in Plant City, FL (Occupied Territory) escaped monkeys are stealing feed and killing tractor batteries. From Tampa Bay Online:

Ray Clark first noticed corn vanishing at an alarming rate from deer feeders on his 600-acre Polk County ranch.

Then he discovered someone – or some thing – tampered with the switches and knobs on his tractors, draining the batteries on both.

The tiny footprints helped unravel the mystery. The remaining patas monkeys that escaped from nearby Safari Wild in April have turned to his property for a refuge from trappers, a reliable source of food and, it appears, a playground. (more…)

The punkeys are testing our infrastructure again! This time in Nelspruit, South Africa (Occupied Territory). From

A curious wild monkey caused a meltdown at a major electricity transformer in Nelspruit in Mpumalanga, plunging the 2010 host city into darkness for two hours.

Municipal spokesperson Bessie Pienaar said on Tuesday that the adult Vervet monkey inadvertently managed to short-circuit the transformer last week Thursday, burning out key circuits and severely damaging the electricity interchange.

“As a result, Nelspruit experienced a city-wide electricity interruption due to transformer failure,” said Pienaar. (more…)

This poor disillusioned monkey owner is going to jail for his pet marmoset. Is this heroic or part of the monkeys menace plan to place as many people in prison, out of the way, for their attack? You decide. From CityNews:

Never get in the way of a man and his monkey. That seems to be the lesson one man was trying to teach the justice system in the U.S.

But despite his best efforts, it didn’t quite work.

When David Grigorian, a 43-year-old resident from Van Nuys, California, got a marmoset monkey as a pet a few years back, he quickly fell in love with the creature. But he didn’t have a permit for the exotic animal and a court ordered him to get rid of it.

The controversy began last January when cops investigated Grigorian on an unrelated matter. After arriving at his home, they found the animal but not the permits he needed to keep it. He was ordered to get rid of it and promised he would.

A face only a punkey could love!

The psychological war that the punkeys are playing with us has escalated. Now they are attacking random people at an alarming rate. Look at this story from The Economic Times:

A monkey created panic on the outskirts of the city of Rajahmundry (Occupied Territory) by attacking 14 people walking on the streets.

The monkey came out from a tree near Annapurnamapeta limits in the city outskirts and attacked 14 people, leaving four seriously injured.

Municipal officials of the Rajahmundry Corporation failed in their attempts to catch the animal.

The injured persons were shifted to the Rajahmundry Government General hospital.

14 people is a lot for one monkey. These thugs will soon take over the streets and steal all our bananas! And what kind of world will that be? A banana less one, that’s what! I shudder to think of having to live in that world, my friends.

Just a follow up to this article about an alleged punkynapping in Missouri. Seems like they were actually taken and not part of a more diabolical plot. From the Fort Mills Times:

Buchanan County Sheriff’s deputies answering a domestic disturbance call this week instead discovered a pair of monkeys reported stolen from a Kansas City man almost a year ago.

Sgt. Mark Brock said the pigtailed macaques, named Abby and Nicholas, were found late Thursday while deputies investigated the call at a residence in rural Agency. After spotting the monkeys, the deputies got a search warrant and came back to take a closer look at them.

The sheriff’s department said it received a tip that the monkeys could be found at a family residence.

“They had cages and whatnot, like any other family pet,” said Brock, who has experience with exotic pets cases in the past, including monkeys.Catherine M. Montes has been charged and is scheduled to appear next month in court.

The animals were reunited with their owner, Dana Savorelli, who identified them through microchips implanted under their skin. He said the two appeared in good health although Abby was suffering from a cold with a raspy cough and is taking antibiotics.

“We’re wore out,” he said. “It was kind of a fluke” the monkeys were found during the deputies’ initial disturbance call. “We had them go up and search that place before.”

Savorelli, who owns the Monkey Island Rescue and Zoological Sanctuary in Kansas City, said three monkeys were stolen in October, when video surveillance showed a woman appearing to drug the animals and then take them.

He said the third monkey, Melissa, hasn’t been found and Thursday’s arrest didn’t find any clues to her whereabouts. No charges have been filed in Jackson County.

Lunchtime diners at Woody’s Grocery Store in Agency Friday were bemused by news of the monkey discovery nearby.

“Why would you want to steal a monkey?” unless it was valuable, said Terry Batchelder, a loader operator at Everett Quarry.

Why indeed?

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