Will someone stop worshipping these evil over throwers!! Look at this from TIME:

Every year, all of the province’s approximately 600 monkeys are invited to eat fruits and vegetables during an annual feast held in honor of Rama, a hero of the Ramayana, who, it is said, rewarded his friend and ally, Hanuman the Monkey King, with the fiefdom of what is now Lopburi.

If we lose our battle to the monkeys…you now know why.


Think bobono monkeys are the “Hippies” of the ape world, with their always having hot monkey sex and peace loving ways? Think again. From The New Scientist:

Don’t be fooled by their reputation for altruism and free love – bonobos hunt and kill monkeys just like their more vicious chimpanzees cousins, according to new research.

“Bonobos are merciless,” says Gottfried Hohmann, a behavioural ecologist at Max-Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany. He witnessed several monkey hunts among bonobos living in the Democratic Republic of Congo, and says, “they catch it and start eating it. They don’t bother to kill it”.

Yet unlike chimps, bonobos live in female-centred societies where sex, not aggression, settles differences and enforces social order.

Fruit makes up much of their diet, but the primates aren’t herbivores. Small ungulates called forest antelopes, or duikers, often fall prey to the apes.

These hunts tend to be fairly simple, with a single bonobo cornering a duiker then quickly feasting on the still-living animal as more apes hurried to the scene. Hohmann says he has witnessed a duiker “still vocally blurting as the bonobos opened the stomach and intestines.”

In three successful monkey hunts that Hohmann and Max Planck colleague Martin Surbeck witnessed in the Salonga National Park, bonobos took a more cautious team approach once they spotted monkeys in a nearby tree.

“They fall silent, and they try to go underneath the monkey group, of course remaining undetected,” he says. “Then it’s a sudden rush. Two, three, four bonobos climb up into the trees and try to catch a monkey.” The researchers saw the bonobos successfully nab a redtail monkey and and two Wolf’s guenons.

Males and females hunt together, and females tended to share their spoils, which included the young of two species of monkeys.

The discovery casts doubt on claims that social aggression and hunting go hand in hand, Hohmann says. Some anthropologists suggest that in the million or so years that separate bonobos from chimps, bonobos lost their appetite for violence.

“What a great discovery,” says Frans de Waal, a primatologist at Emory University in Atlanta.

“The chimpanzee literature sometimes depicts bonobos as the less interesting, less human-like, less cultured, less cooperative branch of the family tree,” he says, “and I am not sure this characterisation can be maintained for much longer with this kind of observation coming out.”

However, de Waal notes that predation and aggression are distinct behaviours, pointing out aggressive herbivores such as bison and sociable carnivores such as lionesses as examples. “For me, this finding does very little to change the idea of bonobos as relatively peaceful primates.”

If that’s what they do to their own…what will they do to us?

Watch your backsides, because chimps are too. They can identify a face by recognizing the rump! From New Scientist:

Chimps can match up the faces of group members with photos of their behinds. The ability, researchers say, shows that chimps carry around mental representations with “whole body” detail of chimps they have encountered.

Nice Graphic, eh?

Seems we can learn quite a bit about ourselves and our workplace by looking at chimps in the wild. By knowing how they work, we can defend ourselves from the uprising! From The Australian:

IF you occasionally walk into the office thinking “this place is run by chimpanzees”, you may well be right.

Humans do share traits with chimpanzees and, according to chimp scholar Jane Goodall, there is much the monkey can teach the modern chief executive about his staff.

For example — see if this doesn’t ring a bell — in a typical chimp group, there will be an alpha male who is the most powerful. As the alpha male becomes more powerful, he brings his supporters through the ranks with him.

When an alpha male is displaced, it causes changes in the whole group. A displaced alpha male can quickly slide in the ranking, and almost overnight can become one of the lowest-ranked chimps.

A male that is seeking to become the next alpha male will, as much as possible, keep out of the alpha male’s way and be respectful to his face. (more…)

Punkeys are always looking for credibility. They usually convince myopic scientist into suggesting everything started with monkeys. Even our victory dances. From The Los Angeles Times:

Chimps do it. Gorillas do it. Michael Phelps does it too.

The exuberant dance of victory — arms thrust toward the sky and chest puffed out at a defeated opponent — turns out to be an instinctive trait of all primates — humans included, according to research released Monday.

Scientists from the University of British Columbia and San Francisco State University looked at thousands of photographs of judo matches taken during the 2004 Summer Olympics and Paralympic Games in Athens, for such classic in-your-face victory moves as clenched fists, thrown-back heads and outstretched arms.

The images of the 140 blind and sighted athletes from 37 countries revealed that Paralympic athletes blind from birth struck the same triumphant stance as sighted Olympic athletes. Since the blind athletes could not have learned the victory dance by watching others, the scientists concluded that the behavior was innate. (more…)

Punkeys are infiltrating our media, our culture. Soon they’ll replace our screen idols like Tom Cruise.

Acutally, this orangutan is more talented than Tom Cruise. Although we have to ask…was he auditioning for a porn movie?? Dirty, filty punkey!

How desperate do you have to be to sleep with a chimp? Well…apparently as desperate as a sex deprived scientist. From Life News:

A leading scientist says the Human Fertilization and Embryology Bill the British parliament is considering is so grisly that it would allow scientists to mate humans and chimps. Dr. Calum MacKellar says he’s worried the bill, which promotes human cloning, would allow interspecies mating.

MacKellar, director of research at the Scottish Council on Human Bioethics, says he worries the bill would open the door for the “humanzee,” created by breeding apes and humans.

He told the Scotsman newspaper that he thinks a new species could theoretically be born if the bill allows the grisly science to move forward.

They like to use the word “grisly” a lot. Will humans and bears be the next hybrid?

“The Human Fertilization and Embryo Bill prohibits the placement of animal sperm into a woman. The reverse is not prohibited. It’s not even mentioned. This should not be the case,” he explained.

If the process isn’t banned, he worried scientists are likely to try it.

While mating humans and other species wouldn’t be successful, MacKellar told the newspaper he thinks it would work with apes since their DNA most closely resembles that of human beings.

“If you put human sperm into a frog it would probably create an embryo, but it probably wouldn’t go very far,” he said. “But if you do it with a non-human primate it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that it could be born alive.”

He said the result of the crazy experiments could be a debate about whether the “humanzee” had legal rights and whether the new species should be exploited for its organs for patients.

American bioethicist Wesley Smith says, “Of course they should outlaw putting human sperm into animal eggs.”

And he worries what would happen if that wasn’t prohibited in the UK as evidenced by MacKellar’s concern that “mad scientists” exist within the field.

“And therein lies the rub: If he is right–and I have my doubts–but, if it is true, then it means that a significant percentage of life scientists accept no reasonable limits on their experimentation, which will eventually require society to force them to cease and desist,” he explained.

“And then we will hear the squawking from the Science Establishment about how the great unwashed are restricting freedom of inquiry,” Smith concluded.

Looks like the Island of Dr. Moreau…is England!!


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