The Punkeys have infiltrated a cultural icon to get better results. Marvel Comics has decided to adapt their superheroes into supermonkeys!! When will their attacks stop?? From Entertainment Weekly:

King Kong. Curious George. Clint Eastwood’s buddy in Every Which Way but Loose. All pioneering simians, all troublemakers. Come Sept. 3, Spider-Man, Wolverine, Daredevil, and their compadres will join these ranks when Marvel Comics, in a bid to duplicate the success of the Marvel Zombies franchise, re-envisions its marquee superhumans as…apes. Creepy apes.

It begins when Marty ”The Gibbon” Blank, a mutant chump with chimp-like powers, is ensnared in a science experiment gone wrong. He’s jettisoned into a sinister alternate reality devoid of humans; here, all of our crime-fighters are now hirsute anthropoids. Joined by the fetching human scientist Dr. Fiona Fitzhugh, this wannabe villain (the Gibbon founded the Spider-Man hating/baiting Legion of Losers) is, in fact, recruited by the seemingly upright Ape-Vengers as he searches for a way back home.

As writer Karl Kesel (Fantastic Four) said in an interview at New York Comic Con earlier this year, this is ”a sprawling epic like Lord of the Rings, and the Gibbon is our Frodo — one small person dwarfed by the overwhelming forces….” But who are we kidding? At heart, Marvel Apes — with illustrations by Ramon Bachs (World War Hulk: Frontline) — is a four-issue miniseries about spandex-clad paladins acting uncivilized because they’re apes.


We’ve been warning about the monkey menace for awhile here, but now we have some scientific evidence that Punkeys are plotting against us. Or at least evidence that they plot. From Yahoo!:

Chimps and orangutans plan for the future just like us.

They are capable of exercising self-control to postpone gratification and to imagine future events via “mental time travel,” according to new research from Lunds University Cognitive Science in Sweden.

Holy crap! Time travel?? They are even more dangerous than we think!

The skill of future planning was commonly thought to be exclusive to humans, although some studies of apes and crows have challenged this idea, say researchers Mathias and Helena Osvath. Now, for the first time, there is “conclusive evidence of advanced planning capacities in non-human species,” they say.

He's plotting away right now!!


We’ve seen some pretty blatant propaganda before but now the Punkeys are using this love story to woo over the human race. From The Times of India:

A male hoolock gibbon wandered from the wild into a national park in Assam in search of a mate – and has now returned with her to his natural habitat.

The first recorded case of a wild gibbon falling in love with a captive mate at the Kaziranga reserve has delighted wildlife experts.

Conservationists bade farewell in late May to the lone female gibbon they hand-raised at the Centre for Wildlife Rehabilitation and Conservation (CWRC) next to the Panbari forest in Kaziranga.

Now Siloni, who is the first gibbon to be rehabilitated in India, has joined her partner in the wild to start a family.

Hoolock gibbons are the species of the ape family found in India and are critically endangered, with only an estimated 4,500-5,000 left in the forests of Assam where they live. Gibbons are protected by Schedule I of the Wildlife (Protection) Act, the highest measure for protection of wildlife in the country.

“Siloni first met her partner, a good-looking male gibbon, after he sneaked into the centre to meet her,” says wildlife veterinarian Anjan Talukdar, who had been her surrogate parent.

The romance started some four months ago. (more…)

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Want a glimpse into the future if Punkeys had their way?

Here, thanks to is the entire Planet of the Apes movie starring Mark Walhburg. Rated PG-13. 

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Just another in a long list of reasons why you shouldn’t have a pet monkey. From the Sun:

Meet Brian the gibbon . . . the monkey neighbor from hell.


Every morning at dawn his deafening whoops shatter the peace of scenic Bassenthwaite, Cumbria, and wake the neighbors three miles away.

Farmer David Taylor, 56, at first thought the noise was one of his cows in labor.

He said: “It comes echoing up from the bottom of the valley, and it’s a hell of a noise. It wakes me up before my alarm clock.

“When I first made inquiries about it I couldn’t believe it was coming from a monkey. If it was made by a human, you’d have the noise prevention people round straight away. (more…)