macaque


More brazen attacks in Hong Kong (Occupied Territory). From The Age:

A 46-year-old hiker was recovering in hospital Saturday after falling 20 metres into a Hong Kong reservoir while running away from a monkey trying to steal her food.

The woman was hiking with friends on Friday when a large adult monkey tried to snatch a bag of nuts she was carrying, according to a spokesman for the emergency services team who rescued her.

She ran away and tumbled down a steep bank before ending up in the reservoir. The woman was taken to hospital with injuries to her head, arms and legs.

The woman and her friends had been hiking in Shing Mun Country Park in Hong Kong’s rural New Territories when the monkey, part of a group of grey macaque monkeys, began pestering them.

Outside its high-rise heart, rural Hong Kong is home to an estimated 2,100 monkeys, the numbers of which have risen sharply in recent years partly because of hikers feeding them in parks.

In September, a 25-year-old woman was taken to hospital after being mugged by a monkey for a box of egg tarts as she got off a bus in another park in Hong Kong.

Apparently you need to protect your nuts when monkeys are around. And nobody wants to lose their nuts…

Finally, someone is taking the monkey menace seriously. In Taipei, Taiwan (Occupied Territory) they call it “monkey peril” but it’s still the same. From the China Post:

Chinese invented and used rockets in the early Ming period (1368-1644).

Its inventors couldn’t possibly have imagined that the weapon which was used for warfare would now be fired to scare macaques away from kaki orchards near Kukeng.

Kaki is the Japanese persimmon tree. Its fruit is very sweet.

That’s the reason why macaques, an endangered species of monkey indigenous to Taiwan, come out in droves to pick the fruit when it is ripe for the picking.

The only option open to kaki orchard farmers in the remote village in the county of Yunlin to end what they call the monkey peril is to hire primate control experts to scare away the marauders.

No macaques can be killed, according to the wildlife protection law. Three rocket manipulators have been hired.

Armed with plenty of rockets and firecrackers, the primate controllers are on guard from morning to dusk every day when the kaki trees are heavy with ripening fruit.

“Well, we have to work at 5 o’clock in the morning,” a rocket launcher said yesterday.

Chiang Chang-chuan said monkeys start to raid orchards shortly after sunrise. “And they are active throughout the daylight,” he added.

He and his two partners have to fire rockets every 20 minutes until sundown.

Each rocket has 12 firecrackers attached. A rocket is put into a launching tube and then fired.

“Of course,” Chiang said, “we are not aiming at the monkeys. We are just making noise to scare them away.”

Why every 20 minutes?

“They are persistent,” Chiang complained. The monkeys do not leave the orchards. “They are scared and we can shoo them off, but they stay around, biding their time to begin to attack again and again,” he added.

Chiang did not say how much the orchard farmers pay him for his noise-making work.

Whatever they pay him, it’s not enough. Fighting on the front lines of the war against punkeys is courageous and deadly work. Thank you, Chiang, thank you.

The Punkeys have infiltrated a cultural icon to get better results. Marvel Comics has decided to adapt their superheroes into supermonkeys!! When will their attacks stop?? From Entertainment Weekly:

King Kong. Curious George. Clint Eastwood’s buddy in Every Which Way but Loose. All pioneering simians, all troublemakers. Come Sept. 3, Spider-Man, Wolverine, Daredevil, and their compadres will join these ranks when Marvel Comics, in a bid to duplicate the success of the Marvel Zombies franchise, re-envisions its marquee superhumans as…apes. Creepy apes.

It begins when Marty ”The Gibbon” Blank, a mutant chump with chimp-like powers, is ensnared in a science experiment gone wrong. He’s jettisoned into a sinister alternate reality devoid of humans; here, all of our crime-fighters are now hirsute anthropoids. Joined by the fetching human scientist Dr. Fiona Fitzhugh, this wannabe villain (the Gibbon founded the Spider-Man hating/baiting Legion of Losers) is, in fact, recruited by the seemingly upright Ape-Vengers as he searches for a way back home.

As writer Karl Kesel (Fantastic Four) said in an interview at New York Comic Con earlier this year, this is ”a sprawling epic like Lord of the Rings, and the Gibbon is our Frodo — one small person dwarfed by the overwhelming forces….” But who are we kidding? At heart, Marvel Apes — with illustrations by Ramon Bachs (World War Hulk: Frontline) — is a four-issue miniseries about spandex-clad paladins acting uncivilized because they’re apes.


Another so-called “human” ability gone by the wayside. Seems the Punkeys get smarter every day. From New Scientist:

At this rate a monkey might prove the Riemann hypothesis. Rhesus macaques have been shown to possess yet another numerical talent once thought unique to humans – they can simultaneously count audible beeps and dots on a computer screen.

Their ability to comprehend numbers not as just discrete images or sounds, but as abstract representations that can be combined suggests that such math skills aren’t unique to humans, says Kerry Jordan, a psychologist at Utah State University, Logan, US, who led the new study.

This sort of evidence “shows that [animals] have these precursors to math very early on in the evolutionary line and early on in development,” she says.

I think many of these monkeys were involved with mortgages. I bet one runs FannieMae or FannieMac. In fact, I beleive Enron hired a bunch in their Accounting Dept.

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…But teach a monkey to fish, and they’ll take over the world! From China Daily:

Long-tailed macaque monkeys have a reputation for knowing how to find food – whether it be grabbing fruit from jungle trees or snatching a banana from a startled tourist.

Now, researchers say they have discovered groups of the silver-haired monkeys in Indonesia that fish.

Groups of long-tailed macaques were observed four times over the past eight years scooping up small fish with their hands and eating them along rivers in East Kalimantan and North Sumatra provinces, according to researchers from The Nature Conservancy and the Great Ape Trust.
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I knew that Punkeys were getting more sophisticated in their plots to overthrow us, but I didn’t see how sophisticated until this article at Science Daily:

Researchers at the Yerkes National Primate Research Center, Emory University, have found socially subordinate female rhesus macaques over consume calorie-rich foods at a significantly higher level than do dominant females.

The study, which is available in the online edition of Physiology and Behavior, is a critical step in understanding the psychological basis for the sharp increase in obesity across all age groups since the mid-1970s. The study also is the first to show how food intake can be reliably and automatically measured, thus identifying the optimal animal model and setting for future obesity studies.

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We are quickly allowing Punkeys to gain control over our daily lives. Now they have invaded our coffee picking and once they have control over our caffine, we will be forced to do their bidding or wander around groggy and defenseless. Either way they win! From Canada.com:

Making this specialty coffee was monkey business.

Vancouver’s 49th Parallel Coffee Roasters have enlisted the aid of some unlikely workers in Southern India to help harvest the best coffee beans — rhesus macaque monkeys.

The coffee critters, who work for peanuts, pick only the few sweetest beans from each plant, which they then store in their mouths for several hours while sucking on the “cherry” fruit before spitting out the inner bean.

Sounds tasty! ABC Coffee. As in Already Been Chewed. MMMMM. We might as well give up now…

A worker then collects the spat-out beans and they are cleaned and roasted, making his job slightly better than the person whose job it is to collect the Kopi Luwak — Sumatran beans harvested from the droppings of civet cats. (more…)

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