national security

When will humankind wake up and smell the monkey poop? It’s obvious that the monkey menace is testing us and with each incident, their information base grows. But as the people in Ahmedabad (Occupied Territory) believe, it’s just some cute, fuzzy monkey scared and stranded. From the Times of India:

It was a strange moment for Ahmedabad Fire and Emergency Services (AFES) officials when they got a call from Bapunagar stating that a monkey has made its way on the top of a cell phone tower. Officials rescued the monkey after an operation of half-an-hour on Saturday. According to officials, the incident took place at Yogeshwar Park Society where a private mobile service providers tower is located. According to some eye witnesses, a group of monkeys came to the place, out of which one climbed the ladder and reached on the top of the tower.

“The monkey was so scared by the group gathered near him that he could not come down on his own. We extended a ladder to him, but it hesitated. After some time he used the ladder to come down and ran in the opposite direction,” a fire brigade official said.

Officials used 20-ft ladder used for rescue operations in the times of calamities and fire incidents.

This monkey wasn’t scared to come down; he was scared to get caught! Like any terrorist organization, the group convinces some poor soul to commit the act against their target. That way only one person is caught and the rest can flee into the woods to plot again!


Thankfully, not ours. Not yet, anyway. But in Hampi (Occupied Territory) they are. From the Times of India:

The administration here is terrified of monkeys. The reason is officials fear that these simians may pose a security threat during President Pratibha Patil’s visit here on Sunday. The only way out they see is ‘operation evacuation’.

As the President’s visit is hardly a day away, the local administration started worrying about the monkeys flying around the famous Virupaksha Temple.

Flying monkeys!? It’s getting worse than I thought! Winged creatures, swooping down and snatching dogs off the streets!

The much-worried district commissioner Aravinda Srivastava on Friday ordered the forest officials to catch all the monkeys in and around the temple and leave them in the forest! Without delay, the monkey-catching team from the forest department arrived at the site and started catching them earnestly.

And earnestly is the best way to catch a monkey. You start going all willy-nilly with monkeys, they’ll kill you. (more…)