terrorists


Punkeys – if they are not with us…the are against us!

Why do you think the songs says “Come Mr. Taliban, tally me banana”?

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When will humankind wake up and smell the monkey poop? It’s obvious that the monkey menace is testing us and with each incident, their information base grows. But as the people in Ahmedabad (Occupied Territory) believe, it’s just some cute, fuzzy monkey scared and stranded. From the Times of India:

It was a strange moment for Ahmedabad Fire and Emergency Services (AFES) officials when they got a call from Bapunagar stating that a monkey has made its way on the top of a cell phone tower. Officials rescued the monkey after an operation of half-an-hour on Saturday. According to officials, the incident took place at Yogeshwar Park Society where a private mobile service providers tower is located. According to some eye witnesses, a group of monkeys came to the place, out of which one climbed the ladder and reached on the top of the tower.

“The monkey was so scared by the group gathered near him that he could not come down on his own. We extended a ladder to him, but it hesitated. After some time he used the ladder to come down and ran in the opposite direction,” a fire brigade official said.

Officials used 20-ft ladder used for rescue operations in the times of calamities and fire incidents.

This monkey wasn’t scared to come down; he was scared to get caught! Like any terrorist organization, the group convinces some poor soul to commit the act against their target. That way only one person is caught and the rest can flee into the woods to plot again!

Don’t let the pompous snooty narrator fool you. This is undercover footage of a punkey ninja camp.

Monkey and ape escapes are on the rise. Is this just isolated incidents or the beginning of a more sinister plot? From WTSP-TV:

A spokesperson for the U.S. Department of Agriculture says it will soon be inspecting the Busch Gardens exhibit that a 10-year-old orangutan escaped from on Saturday night. Depending on what the agency finds, Busch Gardens could be fined.

Meantime, one of the country’s premiere orangutan experts says great ape escapes are not uncommon. In fact, Dr. Robert Shumaker with the Great Ape Trust in Iowa says if an orangutan was going to try and escape from Busch Gardens’ new Jungala orangutan exhibit, this is likely when it would occur.

“It is, I think, more common when new facilities are being built because the apes are going to test it very carefully and they will find the weak spots and then it’s up to us as professionals to design around that and correct that,” Dr. Shumaker told Tampa Bay’s 10 News.

This is what terrorist do. Test for weaknesses and exploit them. They are getting ready…

Luna Bella, a female orangutan, escaped from her habitat briefly Saturday evening. Park officials used apples, carrots and ice cream to bring her back. Part of the park was closed during the incident and no one was injured.

A Busch Gardens spokesperson says the exhibit in question remains closed “indefinitely” to the public, adding changes will soon be made to the exhibit.

We made it to the semis! Please go to the International Blog Cup and vote once per day for Punkeys! The semis run until the 23rd so be sure to vote every day! Thanks! 

Apparently, the Punkeys have a rural area protecting them, not unlike the wild regions of Pakistan covering for Osama Bin Laden. Take this village in old Dhaka (Occupied Territory), from The Daily Star:

She was lurking behind the iron grill of an old house and with keen eyes looking at a banana at a child’s hand. As the little girl became unmindful for a single moment she snatched the banana like an eagle.

As the little girl realized that the banana was stolen, she started crying. In the meantime, the ‘culprit’ jumped to the verandah of a nearby house and finished her ‘lunch’ with the booty.

Oh how cute. The monkey is stealing bananas from a baby. Evil little bastard! The monkey, not the kid. A least in this particular case it’s the monkey.

Such an incident is quite common on the Basanta Kumar Das Lane of Farashganj in old Dhaka where scores of monkeys ramble at large. Residents of many other parts of old Dhaka are quite used to living with monkeys.

One may think why they are seen only in old Dhaka.

“Monkeys are mainly seen in and around old spacious houses. It may be the reason because here in old Dhaka they can play and sleep and stroll to their heart’s content,” said Urmi Saha, a student of Jagannath University, who has been seeing the moneys since her childhood.

“Sometimes it is annoying because they take away food and clothes in a swoop. But sometimes when I sit in the verandah in the late afternoon it is nice to see them play innocently,” she said.

Even though many residents expressed annoyance, most of them said they give bread, biscuits and bananas to the monkeys.

“If we don’t give them food or if they can’t steal from us then from where will they find it?” said Urmi. “I cannot even think of driving them away. Where will they go? I cannot think them living the life of a homeless.”

They’re wild animals. Not unemployed uncles you feel obligated to let stay on the couch for a few days after a bender. (more…)

Apparently National Geographic is the Al-Jazerra of the primate world. It’s quite obvious that they are in the monkey’s pockets and spread their propaganda. Like tonight’s latest campaign of misinformation Human Ape which airs tonight at 8et/7c. Here a chimp shows that it can recognize its own reflection:

Being able to recognize yourself in the mirror may show signs of superior intellect. But really, who hasn’t woken up, hungover, with bed head, stumbling to the mirror and looked at the reflection and said. “Who the hell is that?”

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“Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.” – Conan

This Conan

Not this Conan:

Seems even chimps need a leader. From Science Daily:

While hunting among chimpanzees is a group effort, key males, known as “impact hunters” are highly influential within the group. They are more likely to initiate a hunt, and hunts rarely occur in their absence, according to a new study. The findings shed light on how and why some animals cooperate to hunt for food, and how individual variation among chimpanzees contributes to collective predation.

Chimpanzees live in communities of 40 to 150, within which fluid subgroups of changing size and composition form. While their diet is largely ripe fruit, chimpanzees also prey upon red colobus monkeys, which are agile and live in the trees. For this study, the researchers followed the hunting patterns of 11 adult males over more than a decade, among which two chimpanzees were identified as impact hunters. The chimpanzees that were studied live in Kanyawara, in Kibale National Park, Uganda.

“Our findings show that while hunting among chimpanzees is a group process, these individual males have a strong effect on whether or not others decide to hunt,” says Gilby. “They have a strong catalytic effect on the decision to hunt. When a party of chimpanzees encounters a troop of red colobus, the impact hunters tend to be the first to hunt. By doing so, they dilute the prey’s defenses, thereby reducing the costs of hunting for other chimpanzees. Hunts rarely occurred in the absence of the impact males.”

If all chimpanzees were equally skilled at hunting, the addition of any given chimpanzee to a party would increase the likelihood of hunting. However, this did not appear to be the case; it was the addition of these two impact hunters that increased hunting likelihood. It is not entirely clear what special qualities these chimpanzees might posses that would contribute to their role in hunting groups.

Every group needs a leader. Al-Qaeda has Osama Bin Laden. North Korea has Kim Jong Il. Chimps have “Impact Hunters”. (more…)

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